it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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