I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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