I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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