I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
