I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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