ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
