Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
