Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
