Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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