Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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