he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
