I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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