listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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