Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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