Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
