Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
