last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
