well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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