guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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