i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
