I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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