I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
