ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
