just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
