Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
