the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
