I hate all girls vehemently.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
