Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
