Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
