help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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