you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
