separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
