Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
These tits shall not be calmed
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