May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
