Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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