our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
