So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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