ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
