I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
