I love black thongs
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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