But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
