Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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