I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
