I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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