I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
