first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
