Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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