I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
