No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
