Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
