I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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