Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize