You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
