I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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