Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
