This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
