she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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