Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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