At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
