ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
