my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
