I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
