New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
