I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
