I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
