where am i from again
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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