is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
