not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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