YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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