he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
