im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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